Pain...is a pain!

It's been a lonnnnngggg time since I last posted here. It's not that I haven't had something to say, but none of it seemed like things anyone would want to read.

I know, let YOU be the judge of that, but it just plays into my insecurity that maybe I'm just not as interesting as I hope I am.

Lately, however, my current "condition" has given me pause.

I want to share.

On July 6th of this year, I will be 49 years old.

On July 11th of this year, I will be getting a full hip replacement.

I'm not scared. I'm not nervous (at the time of this post).

I'm just tired. Tired of being in pain. Tired of limping everywhere I walk. Tired of not being able to run with my 8 y.o. Tired of not being able to work with him on his soccer or get him interested in other sports. Tired of gasping out of the blue, if my hip moves the wrong way left or right. Tired of not being able to take my pup on a long walk. Tired of not being able to sleep at night. Tired of not having one comfortable seat to sit in.

Just tired.

So, I gave in...and signed up for the surgery.

It means a lot of changes for me and my family.

First and foremost, I hope it means no more pain. No more pain means, more mobility, which should mean greater health...then hopefully, that momentum continues into more meaningful times with my family, greater participation in my son's health and growth, more quality moments with my husband... and greater energy to be more active participant in life.

Until you've had constant, debilitating pain, it's hard to understand just how it can affect your life both physically and psychologically. I thought this was something I could "get over"! I thought big doses of naproxen and some regular PT would help me like it did 4 years ago... when I lost weight, got in shape and thought I had it licked.

Then I gained back the weight AND some, rarely worked out, never had PT... and found myself holding on to a neighbors fence...near tears... barely able to walk the dog home one evening. It's been down hill since that night.

I found I would turn down invites out with friends, especially if they were at bars where I might have to stand for a while. I didn't meet up at the park with Alex because I was afraid I would break down and end up whimpering and crying. At work, I cringe every time I've worked at my desk for more than two hours and then have to stand. I wince anytime I drop something on the floor that I have to pick up.

I went without a haircut because of the effort I would have to make to get over to my hairstylist. I went without lunch with friends because I wasn't sure I'd be able to get there. I've eaten from the lunchroom offerings on my floor at work so I don't have to walk downstairs to get it. I pick my clothes based on what's easiest to get over my foot without having to lift my leg. When I get in the car, on the driver's side, I put in my right foot, then I lean in and place my back against the seat and slide down, and then pull my left foot in with both hands. On the passenger side, I literally have to step back and fling my left leg UP and over the edge of the car to get it in so I can slide in from that side.

It's humbling. It's a drain on your humor. It's not something you can explain to others, with the exception of those who are in the same boat. Then you just have a gathering of really weary people.

So, I'm doing it, getting the ole hip replaced. Stay tuned ... there's lots to share ... and hopefully, it resonates with someone out there.