I post and read a lot on Facebook.
I also participate on LinkedIn, Twitter and other social networks.
I've been lucky to have reconnected with friends as far back as kindergarten, while also enjoying new connections as recent as my latest coworkers.
But when I saw my "friend's list" on Facebook has reached 1,243 (even more at the time of this blog), I couldn't imagine that all of these people would be true "friends." I even know of a few people that are easier to just keep in my list than to unfriend them, and deal with the fallout.
So, over the last week or so, I took an in-depth look at my friend's list. Here's where I netted out:
So, when you evaluate any list like this, you have to develop a criteria. Some of mine are pretty obvious, like "Family." For me, this was anyone who is a blood relative or married into my family tree. Currently, I have 65 members on Facebook that represent "family."
Cool!
Next, I identified my "Dearest Friends." These are the people who I've been through the fire with, who I've considered "family" on some level, who I would go to bat for and who would do the same for me. I was flabbergasted to find I had 52 in this category. How lucky I am to have so many souls out there to whom I feel so closely connected. My mom had told me once that if I could count 5 people in this category, I should count myself lucky… well, Mom, I'm 10-fold lucky.
The next criteria for me was "Close Friends." These are the people in my life that I can have a heart-to-heart, share secrets, count on to come to reciprocal rescues…but we don't have the deep-tissue connection of "Dearests." These friends I respect, love and love to hang out with…and they have the potential to become "Dearest." This number was humbling as well. I have 604 people I consider "close friends." I recounted several times. That couldn't be?
But when you consider the years I've been on the earth, the states I've lived in (actual states, not "of mind"), grade school, middle school, high school and college, jobs past & present, improv, theater, philanthropic endeavors, online groups that became real life friends, friends of friends who became close friends… etc. etc., it doesn't seem that odd. Even dividing 604 by my 50 years, it's 12 people a year or one new close friend a month. Yes, I understand I probably wasn't a friend-making-machine from ages 0-3 or 4, but I am still close friends with some I met in kindergarten.
I have included the five friends/family I've lost since FB began, and their pages are still up and running.
When you combine all of those categories, 58% of my friends list has close ties to me. That is a statistic that is far higher than I would have expected. I thought that perhaps, early on, I got caught up in the "accept friend" frenzy, and OVER-friended. I have friends who are in the entertainment industry who have had to go to sponsored pages, because their "friends" list was in the 10s of thousands, and they really just wanted to have their real friends on their personal profile. I'm no where near that tally, but this does put in perspective that for the most part, almost 60%, I know and love the people in my friends list.
If I were to add in "More Than Acquaintances," which is people I know, that I could have an elevator conversation with, or I may know they have two kids in middle school, or they most likely are a work associate that I have connected with, or a friend-of-a-friend that I like, but haven't had the opportunity to get to know well. Also a part of that criteria was, "am I happy to see these folks when I run into them," "they make me laugh," "I enjoy their company." In this category, if they make me happy, laugh or I just plain enjoy them, they are included as a "MTA."
With that inclusion, then 89% of my list is someone I'm connected to, truly, in some way. That leaves 11% being "Acquaintances/Don't Know Well" and "Organization Pages."
But let's be clear, this is an evaluation of a "friends list" on a social platform built for sharing. I first joined Facebook to do a screen grab for a new business pitch, with no intention of keeping the membership. At that time, MySpace was the social sharing platform. Things have changed, and now there's G+, Pinterest, Instagram, Twitter, LinkedIn or even Good Reads or Spotify to some extent...and whatever the is next sharing craze.
All in all, I feel extremely blessed and fortunate, after having done this review. I hope that I give as much as I get from these people (except maybe the 3 in my too much trouble to de-friend list). If I never made another NEW friend for the rest of my life, and spent my time nurturing the ones that exist, I'm sure it would be a full, loved existence. But the chances of me not making new friends… well, let's just say, slim to none.
