Why I Cried Myself To Sleep

First let me start by saying, I am a proud Democrat. I am a feminist. I am an optimist. I am a mother. I am a wife. I am a daughter, sister, niece, and cousin. I am a loyal friend. Did I mention I'm an eternal optimist.

My dad told us a joke when we were young, about two kids, a pessimist and an optimist at Christmas. The parents gave the pessimist a room full of wonderful toys, to which he remarked that wasn't it a shame they'd all be broken soon. In the optimists room was a box full of manure and a shovel. When they entered the boy was in the box with the shovel digging furiously... "There's got to be a pony in here somewhere."

The joke in our house was always, "did you find that pony yet, Ann?"

Last night, I couldn't understand the visceral effect the returns were having on me. I shut down. I quite literally couldn't talk. I felt a pressure all through my body. I was becoming overwhelmed with a sense of doom and gloom my psyche had not experienced except when my mother died.

Please, don't get me wrong, I've been upset by other elections. Bush Jr.'s reign was such an election. We lived through it. Gas prices soared, our 401K dove, and our condo valuation plummeted (it has come back up from what it bottomed out as in those years). Things were bad, but not awful. We came through it with some bumps and bruises and a few years added on before we'd retire, but it was something from which we could rebound.

But this election... this election gave voice to a section of the country I believed (well, hoped) were long gone or marginalized to such a point as to be ineffectual... our racist, bigoted, mysogynist minority.

This campaign by Mr. Trump, gave a voice to those who fear and hate... and they showed up at the polls.

So when I cried myself to sleep last night, it wasn't because the Democratic candidate lost. It wasn't because the first female candidate lost. It was at the realization that the country I love, support, and defend has a part of it's constituency who live in a world of distrust and fear.

My optimism took a solid punch to the solar plexus and the wind has been knocked out of me. This undercurrent threatens my misplaced beliefs with ideals where attitudes of bullying, racial division, and fear could gain traction again.

I felt weak in the knees, and immensely saddened that we've taken this turn. I feared for my LBGTQ family. I feared for my Muslim family. I feared for my Hispanic & African-American family. I feared for my sisters, progressive women, out there fighting to just remain upwardly moving to equality with my brothers.

But then I stopped. I breathed. And I realized the greater concern here, one that my quasi-elitist self has failed to recognize through all of this, is the sector of our national voice that has felt ignored and isolated for a while now.

So, I am sitting with that realization.

I turn to my core values and I walk in their shoes for a moment. Not the shoes of the KKK or supremacy groups, or those groups who would consider an American version of Nazi Germany, nirvana. I'm talking about those people who respond to the fears thrown at them, who are susceptible to the conspiracy theories, who are afraid of what they don't know, or have never had the opportunity to get to know.

And, for that walk, I understand. And my ego, my pomposity, my self-righteousness are diminished.

Instead of crying, or blaming, or fearing the next 2-4 years... we should be figuring out how this disconnect, this division of compassion came about and presented itself in such a profound way.

I am resolute that our core is good. I believe that in the end, we will help those who cannot help themselves. I believe that our soul as a country has hardened, but that there's room for it to soften again. I believe that MOST people are inherently good, and will rise to the occasion. I believe that we can't run from this, but we need to address it head on.

Misinformation, conspiracy theories, blatant lies, and fear-mongering were the keystones of this turn in our republic...our democracy. But I believe that a majority of us still understand and still want what's best for all.

No one voted yesterday to "ruin the country"... we voted because we love our country, and we voted "for what we believed was the best." The one thing that we all have in common is we love the United States of America, and that we need to work on the United part of that going forward.

I have to have faith in the human heart, and that compassion and love can bring us, ultimately, together again.

I'm still looking for the pony... I will not be deterred!

Ok, What I'd Really Like to Say At DNC Convention!

::walking out, head held up, smiling, waving:: ::trip:: ::recover, laugh at self, approach podium::

Good evening, all you luscious delegates and party … partiers! How is everyone tonight?! Are you as happy to be here as I am?!! ::pause:: Not to bring down the room, but how are you really, after last week? ::pause:: Me? I’m weary, I’m sick to my stomach, I could easily be fed up enough to give up.

What went so off the rails, that Donald Trump is ACTUALLY the RNC candidate for President?

Personally, I think it started when we laughed off the rise of the tea party. “What? Are you kidding me? They’re just spewing unsupported facts! They’re just trying to scare people! They’ll know better. We don’t have to worry about them.” ::eyebrow raised::

Or, it may have started even earlier with Limbaugh, Beck, Coulter and Fox “news” ::air quotes::. They were always telling us who to blame, what to be afraid of, but never talking solutions. We got mad at Coulter, but we also thought, “she’s so ludicrious, no one will believe her tripe!” ::shaking head::

Maybe it was our own apathy at the polls? We got President Obama in office, but then we let the Congress slip away with record low turnout at the polls.

Maybe it was thinking that racism and sexism were dealt with, when they obviously were not! And then, we let them make “Politically correct” or PC, a bad thing? Why is it “politically correct” to not ridicule another human being at their expense. We use to call it common decency. Now, it’s grown to be a liberal objective… to make everyone “politically correct,” … no, we just want people to treat each other with respect… and that’s a bad thing?

Could it be the Koch brother-backed Govenors who are not dismantling and underfunding schools in their states, helping to reduce the access to a fundamental education in America? Letting curriculum standards mutate into Sunday school primers by including creationism and misrepresenting the THEORY of evolution.

Undereducated people are much easier to corral than an person with critical thinking skills.

What I’ve seen over the last two decades feels like a return to the robber barons of the 20s and 30s. The richest among us garnering the most favor, influencing the policies and laws of our government, or attempting to do so…and while so many of our citizenry suffer, only degrading and name-calling those who cannot help themselves in this climate.

I keep hearing how we’re a Christian nation. If that’s true, than how can we vilify those who need us most? How can we go about the business of the day when we have true suffering here? How can we turn away those whose daily lives is a actual battleground, with bombs and terrorists blowing up their children, their homes, their cities? How can we watch as a candidate on the other side of the aisle shows nothing but disdain for minorities, women and those in peril, and only goal is to gain the highest US office and use it to promote his personal brand?

There have been no policies laid out… oh, wait, I’m sorry, there have been “many words about many great things he’ll do day one when he takes office… and it will make America great again… because I have the ultimate power of Gandalf the Wizard… and once I waves my staff.. bada bing… safety, walls, OK Corral shootouts!”

That’s not us.

That’s why we’re weary, sick to our stomachs and sad.

It’s tiring to listen to that kind of vitriol and rhetoric, especially 4 days of it. It’s saddening to read through the accuracy checks of the statements made, and finding that most were as you thought… lies. And it affects our digestion, because it’s hard to swallow that THIS guy could be a step away from the Presidency.

It’s time to get off our butts, put actions behind our mouths, and make sure that come November… Our Presidential candidate wins overwhelmingly….that our Representatives and Senators are following her to the Hill in January.

It’s time to swing the pendulum back from the radical, tea party of the right… back to where the majority of us live… the land of reason, problem-solving and solutions…the place of facts and research to back it up.

Climate change IS science, and IS happening. Just because you don't WANT to believe it, doesn't mean it isn't real. There are actually facts, scientists and documented reasoning behind the curtain!

Abstinence only educations do not work. Our youth need to be taught about sex, STDs, and contraceptives along with abstinence in order to prevent unwanted pregnancies, STDs and legal abortions. Just because you're too repressed to talk about it, doesn't mean it's not happening. And if you don't support a woman's right to choose, then instead of trying to force decisions on her about her body, try to put things in place that will help unwanted pregnancies be avoided..such as access to affordable or free contraception! 

Marriage between two consenting, loving adults is a right... the Supreme Court concurs! 

We all have a right to affordable health insurance, and to know that that catastrophic illness won't bankrupt us.

Higher taxes on our wealthiest will not ruin them, rob them or diminish their standing…but it will see that we have a proportional contribution from them. It will shore up our budget for building roads, educating and training the welfare participants so they can move off of welfare and become self-sustaining, it will bolster our care of our vets and current service men and women (oh, sorry, did I just do something politically correct by saying men and women? Tough! I’m talking to both) and it will allow the middle class to grow again, and make for a more sustainable economy. (If I really delivered this speech, I would be even more poignant and fact-driven in this paragraph)

Trickle down only works if it's a melting ice cream cone and your chin!

We have seen a seismic shift in the RNC that even members of the RNC don’t like. The only way to keep things in check, and protect those who cannot protect themselves is to GET OUT THE VOTE! Drive your older neighbor who is home-bound, canvas the neighborhood and make sure everyone is registered. Watch your friend’s toddler so they can go out and cast their ballot.

We cannot be lazy. We cannot be complacent. This election is a pivotal one, and one that will affect us all. We have a strong ticket for the highest office. We have an equally strong platform that is rooted in inclusiveness and intellectually informed goals. We have the support of ALL of our DNC leadership, and are united in wanting to keep the momentum of our current President.

It’s in our hands. It’s in the hands of the citizenry, here in this building today and outside these walls and watching tonight from home, or working a second job to make ends meet, or studying for finals, or just trying to make it day to day. It’s up to us to take all of this ::motion around the room:: and all that will be laid out this week within these walls, and make it a reality.

We will have only ourselves to blame if it goes the other… ::pause:: the wrong way.

Keep us great… keep us moving forward… keep us positive and on the side of inclusiveness and kindness. Vote for Hillary Rodham Clinton and Tim Kaine this November…

Thank you, and welcome to our party’s opportunity to tell OUR story!

Good night.

How I’d Open For the DNC Convention

My head on ScarJo's body, considering it poetic license for the sake of setting the "stage"

::walk the podium, head held up, smiling, and waving::

Thank you for your kind reception. I know you don’t know me, but you should, I’m one of you.

I stand before you, a middle class American woman who an trace her roots back before the Revolution. I’ve been married for 20 years, with a son who turns 13 this fall. We have a dog. We have a home. We’ve struggled through job loss, recessions, housing-market downturns. We’ve refinanced, amassed and cleared credit debt.  We’ve ridden the economic cycle of this volatile world market. And we’ve worked hard as a two worker home, to achieve or try to attain that “American Dream”… of happiness, health and a chance… a chance to make more of our lives while we breathe on this big blue marble.

But I’m weary. Last week, made me weary.

If any of you tuned in to the convention in Cleveland last week, and hoped to hear what the GOP was presenting as their platform, hear inspirational speeches from their party leaders, and tap it off with a clear idea of what their candidate was bringing to the party… I suspect you are weary as well.

I look out here, at all your faces, your smiling, excited faces… but what I truly see, what I revel in seeing… human beings. I see thousands of similarly-minded humans from diverse backgrounds, experiences, ethnicities, ages and all whom have their own distinct story to tell.

I see the true face of America… the HUMAN face. And that is why I don’t want to give last week any more of my time or consideration. I want to talk about what we’re about to do here! Here in  Philadelphia, where the original text of our Constitution was crafted. 

Here, in Philly, is where we… the Democratic Party… have come to layout our plan to the masses outside these walls, whether they join us or oppose us. We’re never going to please every single human… but we are here to talk about how we will best represent our fellow Americans and guide policy that will affect all our lives.

The difference?

We’re not here to scare people. We’re not here to mock people. We’re not here to isolate us from the world. We’re not here to point fingers and blame others. Those things make us weary, and offer no solutions or paths to success. They serve only to subjugate the masses with fear and anger.

We are here to approve our platform… an inclusive, progressive, thoughtful platform. We are here to hear from our leaders, party supporters and fellow humans about the future for all of us. We are here to affirm our candidate for the Presidency, and endow her with the rights to carry our message.

We are here to talk about how America IS great, and how we can make it even better. We have real issues, many of which have inundated our TVs, social feeds and news, as of late. But they are not insurmountable, they’re not anything to be cowering in fear about, and give up our liberties to squelch. We’re not naïve, but we are reasonable, calm, and ready to be collaborators, listeners, and share our ideas, openly and without fear of retribution or hate.

We are here to thank President and First Lady Obama for their stewardship, even when their battles were disproportionately against them. We are here to continue the good works and economic path that this administration has set us upon. We are here to put in office, a leader who can continue the healing of the rifts with our global partners, that President Obama, Vice President Biden, Secretary Clinton, and Secretary Kerry have nurtured over 8 years.  We are here to bring together the supporters of Secretary Clinton and Senator Sanders, and recognize their ideas and consider their voice as we move our party forward.

We are here to confirm, celebrate and support Hillary Clinton as our candidate for the President of these UNITED States.

Welcome and THANK you for all of your work, in your states, in your districts, in your neighborhoods… for keeping on task, keeping on message, and keeping this race for the White House a positive one… and for representing all of us. We are ALL part of this race… the human race!

Leave the negative, divisive, anger to them. 

Keep the faith, be positive, be an aggregator of goodwill, THAT is what we stand for, that is what will win the election in November!

Thank you.

Quiet Morning Thoughts

Andrew Wyeth's “Chambered Nautilus” (1956)

In the quiet of the bedroom, silence lays like warm, soft blankets
This waking moment opens the door to a flurry of visions behind closed eyes
They fly one to the other with a speed that fights my weary soul
The stillness is invaded by the cacophony of life moments
Bouncing like dodge balls off the curves of my brain
Sifting through endless memories like a messed up rolodex
Out of order, each one leading to another disjointed connection
Worry, happiness, angst and learning... learning in it all
Find the lesson, look...
Slow the thoughts,
Examine the corners
Look and see,
Really see,
See with clear eyes unfettered by "if only's"
Quell the emotions, stuff them down for a blink, another quiet moment,
Tuck them momentarily away into a easily reopened drawer
They have a purpose, but not just now, now when I need to see
Look again, emotional tethers cut, and see behind them
The message is revealed to a careful eye
Regrets and recriminations cast over for a greater understanding
The soul learns, feels, forgives and lets go when given permission
Give permission
Learn
Forgive
Try again
Open the drawer
Rub tired eyes
Feet hit the floor
Stretch
Join the world whole again