Why I Raise Money for Lung Cancer Research

On September 19th, Alex and I will be running the 5K portion of the Chicago Lung Run 2015. (http://LungRun.kintera.org/2015/anniewatsonjohnson) the following is the reason we run. This is my 11th year participating, and I do it for mom. The story is long, I apologize, but I hope it holds your interest enough to finish it. ;)

April 10th of 2002 at near 3PM my mom looked at me, gasping her last breaths. I told her that everything would be fine, I would take care of Doug (my brother) and it was ok if she went. Around her were my step-father, my husband, my aunt and my grandmother. It was that moment, that breath, when all time stopped for me. All I could do was look at her, not even knowing if she saw me, but she was looking over at me, and I knew I couldn't cry... I had to smile, I had to convince her it was ok that Doug wasn't there. It was ok to let go even though others were crying, and her husband was begging her to stay. She looked away from me and back up at the ceiling, gasped once... twice... and left us. 

I was numb.

I had just sat up with her, holding her hand, for almost 36 hours, willing her to stay until my brother could get back. When I'd leave her, I'd tuck this small teddy bear that the hospital chaplain had dropped by when he visited. What a 60 year old, dying woman needed with a teddy bear, I didn't know at the time. But when I had to go to the bathroom, or check in on my aunt and grandmother, I would tuck his furry body under her hand, whisper I'd be right back, and sneak out of the room with snoring men. 

I didn't know she was at the point of leaving us and I hadn't gotten my brother called early enough to get back from Dubai. I kept thinking, if I could just keep the human contact...talk to her...try to keep her with us till Doug could get back. It wasn't meant to be. I truly believe if my brother had been there when she died, he wouldn't have had consoling memories, he would have had disturbing ones. She knew that better than I.

Doug had just been home at Christmas, our first as a family in forever. We said what we needed to say to each other. I will cherish that Christmas, always.

Mom and I cleaning up the wrapping from Christmas presents. This would be mom's last Christmas with us in 2001.

But as I was alluding to in the title,  I walk in memory of my mom. 

(clockwise from upper right) Mom as a toddler; Great-Grandmother Graham (l.) with Caroline on her lap and Grandmother with mom on her lap; Grandmother, mom and Granddad; Granddad, mom and Grandmother; Grandmother, Great grandmother & Granddad Beanblossom, Great-Great Grandmother Shireman and mom.

My mom was born in January of 1942 in Indiana to Paul & Louise Beanblossom. A hefty number of years later, my aunt, Sue, would follow as the youngest daughter. 

Both of my grandparents were teachers in the public school system. Granddad eventually was a Principal, as wellWhen they weren't teaching, they were planting around the house. Granddad always had a great garden, but spent many an hour duplicating and refinishing antiques. He loved his wood shop. Granddad was the only child to survive of his parents. His mother named him Paul Adam, two names from the bible, after losing her other children. He lived to be 80. My grandmother was one of 7 children. She was one of the truest Christians I ever knew, in word and deed, but never pushed her faith on anyone. She led by example. She sewed up a storm, and made crafts every year for Christmas, and served her community for her entire life. Grandmother lived to be 94.

My mom was an honor student, a writer, a smart ass and funny. I've shared her writing in some other posts on here. She definitely had an opinion, something she taught me well. She also survived polio. She was confined to an iron lung to help her breath. The disease had affected her abdominal muscles, the muscles in her left hand, right arm, etc. But she lived. She beat it. She also never grew another inch. While she had once been the tallest girl in the class, the disease had kept her from moving any higher.

(from upper left, clockwise) Teen mom on the phone, probably with a boy; High school mom; grade school mom; Mom and friend with a very adorable, Sue; @mom and dad's wedding Granddad, Mom, Grandmother and Sue.

She married my dad at 20 years old. She had been attending Butler University in Indiana, and working on her B.A. in English. She married dad because he was moving away, and he proposed.

I followed, not long after their marriage (yes, more than 9 months). Mom was 21, dad was 25, when I took my first breath. Doug arrived a year and 11 months later.

Like any young couple, they had their ups and downs. Doug and I were a handful to say the least. And when we grew up in NJ, dad had a job that kept him away during the week and home on weekends. Mom was an avid feminist (but again, so was dad) and led the League of Women Voter's. She also worked with some friends of hers and kept the lights on and the library open for our little hamlet in Ringwood. She encouraged me to join Little League when little girls didn't do that kind of thing, but she knew that I was competitive and there were no softball leagues for kids my age. So, she sat up on the hill, when I played, and shouted down the nay sayers.

(from upper left, clockwise) Mom and Grandmother; Grandmother, me and mom; Me and mom; Doug, Mom, Grandmother and Granddad; me and mom in Martha's Vineyard.

She was a 5' spit fire. She had a wicked wit and an amazing brain that held more useless information than anyone would need to consistently win at Trivial Pursuit, and she did. She taught me how to play Scrabble, how lose myself in a book and how to enjoy very diverse music.

I knew that moving to Ohio when I was a freshman in high school, was EXTREMELY hard on her. She was a liberal feminist thrown right in the middle of the bible belt and 180 degree beliefs. The League of Women Voters was run by a men, and few women. She found that disheartening. While she could make friends, she didn't have any GOOD friends, save our neighbor, to do things with and hang out. When they came around with a petition to prevent a women's health clinic from opening, she refused to sign, that was her neighborhood death nell. But I didn't realize the impact, because I was having my own problems with the same issues, but among my peers.

It was also during this time that mom had quit smoking (she barely smoked a pack a day, most days under). They had diagnosed her with high blood pressure. She started taking BP medication. And began trying to take back her health.

When I went to college, my parents moved to Illinois during my senior year. When I graduated, I moved back in with them for a while. It was an interesting time. I was 22 years old, but still their kid, but more of a roommate. I moved out a year or so after coming home. It was during that point that mom seemed to be getting worse. She couldn't walk to the mailbox without coming back in and taking a nap. The doctors were treating her for BP and depression now. My dad said, "no, this isn't right." and loaded her into the car and took her to Mayo Clinic.

She had post polio problems. This was a new arena for most doctors. All the boomers that had had polio were now showing signs of muscle degeneration and weakening. Mom's abdominal muscles were not pushing the CO2 out of her lungs. Her O2 levels were in the 60% area. For most of us, that would mean death. But because it had happened over YEARS, they think as far back as Ohio, her body had adjusted to it.

She was put immediately on a bi-pap machine to sleep at night. It helped her breath in and out, and kept her O2 levels in the right range.

It wasn't until my parents divorce, after 35 years of marriage that she and I had some serious discussions about life, lessons and what we compromise and how fragile she really was for a good portion of her life. She remarried her other high school sweetheart, and moved to Virginia. She was trying to make up for time, but discovered she was just in a different location with different problems.

It was also during this time that they travelled a lot, and mom loved that part of the relationship. When they travelled they tended to stay at military housing, since my step-dad was a logistics instructor for the army. It was inexpensive. When she got back from one trip she commented to me that her filter in her bi-pap was black. I said, "that can't be good?!" She thought not too.

(from upper left, clockwise) My college graduation from Dad, my Grandfather & Grandmother Watson, Doug, Grandmother, me, Mom, Sue and Granddad; Mom at her second wedding; outside my grandparents house Sue, me, Dad, Grandmother, mom, Granddad and Doug; @mom's wedding Grandmother, mom and Sue.

Mom had a cough that wouldn't go away. She'd felt down and sickly for a while. She went to the doctor. He took an X-ray. There was a spot on her lung. He wasn't sure what it was, but wanted to take the lobe and some lymph nodes to see what was going on. Well, it was lung cancer cells in her lung, but they appeared to be dead around the mass and there were none in her lymph nodes. When she asked about radiation or chemo, he thought that wouldn't be necessary... they'd just do X-rays every three months.

A few months later, it was in both of mom's lungs, her spine and her shoulder blade. She had Stage IV lung cancer, and when she went to Johns Hopkins they told her there wasn't anything to do, but determine quality of life.

I lost my mom 6 months later.

I walk for her. I walk for all the names on the back of my shirt I wear, who have lost their battle as well...and for their families who are still with us.

Thank you, Chicago Lung Run for giving me a chance to try and make a difference, by supporting research into lung cancer treatments and hopefully a cure!

If you'd like to support me and Alex in our 5K run for Mom, please click on the following link: http://LungRun.kintera.org/2015/anniewatsonjohnson
and make a donation. Anything helps us reach our goal. (below are the names from last year's shirt I wore for the walk)