You Don't Always Know...

You don't always know a person's life story. Sometimes the fun is filling in the blanks using your own imagination. But when you truly get to know the person, you figure out just how many layers there are to that story, and what you've built in your mind may be so far off as to be embarrassing.

I was just confronted by a perception of me, that I feel is just a lack of understanding of my bigger story. Many think they know me, but I have to admit, only a few really do. I feel like this blog has allowed me to share more of my thoughts and feelings than I would if I met you face to face. As much as I appear to be someone who wears her heart on her sleeve, over-shares on occasion and has some serious opinions, there's a lot more to me than most of you realize.

I know there are some out there who look at my LinkedIn profile and think, "wow, 25 years in the industry, and she's not really moved up very far. I know her. She's smart, funny... why no upward mobility?"

Let me see if I can explain.

The Chiggers:
Mama's In Remission Tour

During my 20s and 30s, I worked as a desktop designer/presentation maven for a couple of ad agencies, was production manager of a magazine and helped run an office for a friend who was a director's rep. While I did all of that, and learned SO much, I was also performing. I was an active member of Chicago's IO (improvOlympic at the time), taking classes at Second City and performing/working at the Annoyance Theater. That was where my passion resided, in the comedy industry in Chicago. I was good, but not great. I have friends that are great, and are very successful at it today, but I stayed in Chicago and got married at 32 years old to my best-est friend, Alan.

Shortly after getting married, and after trying unsuccessfully to have a child, we embarked on the journey of in vitro fertilization. Luckily, I was full time with an agency that had GREAT benefits, and we gave it a shot, without much luck.

Then, my mom got sick.

I spent a lot of my time going between Virginia and Chicago, trying to care for her while trying to keep my job going. You see, my mom and I were best friends as well as mother/daughter. She was my compass, the person who was the most honest with me, and called me on my shit. She had my back at every turn in my life, and now she was dying.

I sucked it up. I told myself there would be plenty of time for crying when she was gone. For now, I was there for her. I rubbed her back. I fed her meds. I held her hand when she had tests. And when she died, for a while, I was ok. Then, I fell apart.

For about a year after my mom died, my emotions ran a roller coaster. The only thing I knew for sure was I wanted to be a mom. I wanted to guild and love someone the way I had been loved. Alan agreed, and we started down the adoption path.

It occupied my mind. It helped me get through each day. It brought some joy back. And, after a year, Alex entered our life... just 4 days old... and we were a family.

Family.

That's what was the priority... family.

I worked, and I worked HARD. I worked long hours, but I did it
so I could help provide for my family. I worked with wonderful people who had been along for the ride. They understood.

My internal struggle was "level-up and commit to moving up a ladder" or "keep doing a great job, hone your skills in this realm and be happy where you are with more time for family"... I picked the latter.

Alex's Kindergarten Graduation

Now, Alex is 10 and I'm 50... the era of corporate ladder climbing for me, was spent exploring the entertainment side of my soul... caring for family that needed me... creating a family to move forward with... and now, when people look at me and think... "wow, why is she settling for where she is" I have to say, "because of the choices I made along the way, and I wouldn't change a thing."

Every choice I made got me to where I am today, and while it's not what I ever envisioned for myself 20 years ago, it's where I'm suppose to be. I wouldn't be married to Alan. I wouldn't have Alex. I wouldn't have had that time with my mom. I wouldn't be able to be there for my friends and family who need me, if I hadn't gone through what I've gone through... and made the choices I made.

Do I sometimes wish I was the EVP, Something Important? Sure! Do I feel diminished as a person for not having reached that? No. Do I feel judged by others sometimes because I'm not there? Yes.  But what I'd ask is, talk to me. I'm more than a skill set. I'm more than a desk jockey. I am the sum of my experiences, many of which you know nothing about yet.

I have jumped to conclusions about people. I have opened my mouth sometimes before getting to know someone. But, I hope I've learned...and continue to learn... "don't judge a book by it's cover, there are a lot of chapters that have yet to be read."