Why I Cried Myself To Sleep

First let me start by saying, I am a proud Democrat. I am a feminist. I am an optimist. I am a mother. I am a wife. I am a daughter, sister, niece, and cousin. I am a loyal friend. Did I mention I'm an eternal optimist.

My dad told us a joke when we were young, about two kids, a pessimist and an optimist at Christmas. The parents gave the pessimist a room full of wonderful toys, to which he remarked that wasn't it a shame they'd all be broken soon. In the optimists room was a box full of manure and a shovel. When they entered the boy was in the box with the shovel digging furiously... "There's got to be a pony in here somewhere."

The joke in our house was always, "did you find that pony yet, Ann?"

Last night, I couldn't understand the visceral effect the returns were having on me. I shut down. I quite literally couldn't talk. I felt a pressure all through my body. I was becoming overwhelmed with a sense of doom and gloom my psyche had not experienced except when my mother died.

Please, don't get me wrong, I've been upset by other elections. Bush Jr.'s reign was such an election. We lived through it. Gas prices soared, our 401K dove, and our condo valuation plummeted (it has come back up from what it bottomed out as in those years). Things were bad, but not awful. We came through it with some bumps and bruises and a few years added on before we'd retire, but it was something from which we could rebound.

But this election... this election gave voice to a section of the country I believed (well, hoped) were long gone or marginalized to such a point as to be ineffectual... our racist, bigoted, mysogynist minority.

This campaign by Mr. Trump, gave a voice to those who fear and hate... and they showed up at the polls.

So when I cried myself to sleep last night, it wasn't because the Democratic candidate lost. It wasn't because the first female candidate lost. It was at the realization that the country I love, support, and defend has a part of it's constituency who live in a world of distrust and fear.

My optimism took a solid punch to the solar plexus and the wind has been knocked out of me. This undercurrent threatens my misplaced beliefs with ideals where attitudes of bullying, racial division, and fear could gain traction again.

I felt weak in the knees, and immensely saddened that we've taken this turn. I feared for my LBGTQ family. I feared for my Muslim family. I feared for my Hispanic & African-American family. I feared for my sisters, progressive women, out there fighting to just remain upwardly moving to equality with my brothers.

But then I stopped. I breathed. And I realized the greater concern here, one that my quasi-elitist self has failed to recognize through all of this, is the sector of our national voice that has felt ignored and isolated for a while now.

So, I am sitting with that realization.

I turn to my core values and I walk in their shoes for a moment. Not the shoes of the KKK or supremacy groups, or those groups who would consider an American version of Nazi Germany, nirvana. I'm talking about those people who respond to the fears thrown at them, who are susceptible to the conspiracy theories, who are afraid of what they don't know, or have never had the opportunity to get to know.

And, for that walk, I understand. And my ego, my pomposity, my self-righteousness are diminished.

Instead of crying, or blaming, or fearing the next 2-4 years... we should be figuring out how this disconnect, this division of compassion came about and presented itself in such a profound way.

I am resolute that our core is good. I believe that in the end, we will help those who cannot help themselves. I believe that our soul as a country has hardened, but that there's room for it to soften again. I believe that MOST people are inherently good, and will rise to the occasion. I believe that we can't run from this, but we need to address it head on.

Misinformation, conspiracy theories, blatant lies, and fear-mongering were the keystones of this turn in our republic...our democracy. But I believe that a majority of us still understand and still want what's best for all.

No one voted yesterday to "ruin the country"... we voted because we love our country, and we voted "for what we believed was the best." The one thing that we all have in common is we love the United States of America, and that we need to work on the United part of that going forward.

I have to have faith in the human heart, and that compassion and love can bring us, ultimately, together again.

I'm still looking for the pony... I will not be deterred!

Ok, What I'd Really Like to Say At DNC Convention!

::walking out, head held up, smiling, waving:: ::trip:: ::recover, laugh at self, approach podium::

Good evening, all you luscious delegates and party … partiers! How is everyone tonight?! Are you as happy to be here as I am?!! ::pause:: Not to bring down the room, but how are you really, after last week? ::pause:: Me? I’m weary, I’m sick to my stomach, I could easily be fed up enough to give up.

What went so off the rails, that Donald Trump is ACTUALLY the RNC candidate for President?

Personally, I think it started when we laughed off the rise of the tea party. “What? Are you kidding me? They’re just spewing unsupported facts! They’re just trying to scare people! They’ll know better. We don’t have to worry about them.” ::eyebrow raised::

Or, it may have started even earlier with Limbaugh, Beck, Coulter and Fox “news” ::air quotes::. They were always telling us who to blame, what to be afraid of, but never talking solutions. We got mad at Coulter, but we also thought, “she’s so ludicrious, no one will believe her tripe!” ::shaking head::

Maybe it was our own apathy at the polls? We got President Obama in office, but then we let the Congress slip away with record low turnout at the polls.

Maybe it was thinking that racism and sexism were dealt with, when they obviously were not! And then, we let them make “Politically correct” or PC, a bad thing? Why is it “politically correct” to not ridicule another human being at their expense. We use to call it common decency. Now, it’s grown to be a liberal objective… to make everyone “politically correct,” … no, we just want people to treat each other with respect… and that’s a bad thing?

Could it be the Koch brother-backed Govenors who are not dismantling and underfunding schools in their states, helping to reduce the access to a fundamental education in America? Letting curriculum standards mutate into Sunday school primers by including creationism and misrepresenting the THEORY of evolution.

Undereducated people are much easier to corral than an person with critical thinking skills.

What I’ve seen over the last two decades feels like a return to the robber barons of the 20s and 30s. The richest among us garnering the most favor, influencing the policies and laws of our government, or attempting to do so…and while so many of our citizenry suffer, only degrading and name-calling those who cannot help themselves in this climate.

I keep hearing how we’re a Christian nation. If that’s true, than how can we vilify those who need us most? How can we go about the business of the day when we have true suffering here? How can we turn away those whose daily lives is a actual battleground, with bombs and terrorists blowing up their children, their homes, their cities? How can we watch as a candidate on the other side of the aisle shows nothing but disdain for minorities, women and those in peril, and only goal is to gain the highest US office and use it to promote his personal brand?

There have been no policies laid out… oh, wait, I’m sorry, there have been “many words about many great things he’ll do day one when he takes office… and it will make America great again… because I have the ultimate power of Gandalf the Wizard… and once I waves my staff.. bada bing… safety, walls, OK Corral shootouts!”

That’s not us.

That’s why we’re weary, sick to our stomachs and sad.

It’s tiring to listen to that kind of vitriol and rhetoric, especially 4 days of it. It’s saddening to read through the accuracy checks of the statements made, and finding that most were as you thought… lies. And it affects our digestion, because it’s hard to swallow that THIS guy could be a step away from the Presidency.

It’s time to get off our butts, put actions behind our mouths, and make sure that come November… Our Presidential candidate wins overwhelmingly….that our Representatives and Senators are following her to the Hill in January.

It’s time to swing the pendulum back from the radical, tea party of the right… back to where the majority of us live… the land of reason, problem-solving and solutions…the place of facts and research to back it up.

Climate change IS science, and IS happening. Just because you don't WANT to believe it, doesn't mean it isn't real. There are actually facts, scientists and documented reasoning behind the curtain!

Abstinence only educations do not work. Our youth need to be taught about sex, STDs, and contraceptives along with abstinence in order to prevent unwanted pregnancies, STDs and legal abortions. Just because you're too repressed to talk about it, doesn't mean it's not happening. And if you don't support a woman's right to choose, then instead of trying to force decisions on her about her body, try to put things in place that will help unwanted pregnancies be avoided..such as access to affordable or free contraception! 

Marriage between two consenting, loving adults is a right... the Supreme Court concurs! 

We all have a right to affordable health insurance, and to know that that catastrophic illness won't bankrupt us.

Higher taxes on our wealthiest will not ruin them, rob them or diminish their standing…but it will see that we have a proportional contribution from them. It will shore up our budget for building roads, educating and training the welfare participants so they can move off of welfare and become self-sustaining, it will bolster our care of our vets and current service men and women (oh, sorry, did I just do something politically correct by saying men and women? Tough! I’m talking to both) and it will allow the middle class to grow again, and make for a more sustainable economy. (If I really delivered this speech, I would be even more poignant and fact-driven in this paragraph)

Trickle down only works if it's a melting ice cream cone and your chin!

We have seen a seismic shift in the RNC that even members of the RNC don’t like. The only way to keep things in check, and protect those who cannot protect themselves is to GET OUT THE VOTE! Drive your older neighbor who is home-bound, canvas the neighborhood and make sure everyone is registered. Watch your friend’s toddler so they can go out and cast their ballot.

We cannot be lazy. We cannot be complacent. This election is a pivotal one, and one that will affect us all. We have a strong ticket for the highest office. We have an equally strong platform that is rooted in inclusiveness and intellectually informed goals. We have the support of ALL of our DNC leadership, and are united in wanting to keep the momentum of our current President.

It’s in our hands. It’s in the hands of the citizenry, here in this building today and outside these walls and watching tonight from home, or working a second job to make ends meet, or studying for finals, or just trying to make it day to day. It’s up to us to take all of this ::motion around the room:: and all that will be laid out this week within these walls, and make it a reality.

We will have only ourselves to blame if it goes the other… ::pause:: the wrong way.

Keep us great… keep us moving forward… keep us positive and on the side of inclusiveness and kindness. Vote for Hillary Rodham Clinton and Tim Kaine this November…

Thank you, and welcome to our party’s opportunity to tell OUR story!

Good night.

How I’d Open For the DNC Convention

My head on ScarJo's body, considering it poetic license for the sake of setting the "stage"

::walk the podium, head held up, smiling, and waving::

Thank you for your kind reception. I know you don’t know me, but you should, I’m one of you.

I stand before you, a middle class American woman who an trace her roots back before the Revolution. I’ve been married for 20 years, with a son who turns 13 this fall. We have a dog. We have a home. We’ve struggled through job loss, recessions, housing-market downturns. We’ve refinanced, amassed and cleared credit debt.  We’ve ridden the economic cycle of this volatile world market. And we’ve worked hard as a two worker home, to achieve or try to attain that “American Dream”… of happiness, health and a chance… a chance to make more of our lives while we breathe on this big blue marble.

But I’m weary. Last week, made me weary.

If any of you tuned in to the convention in Cleveland last week, and hoped to hear what the GOP was presenting as their platform, hear inspirational speeches from their party leaders, and tap it off with a clear idea of what their candidate was bringing to the party… I suspect you are weary as well.

I look out here, at all your faces, your smiling, excited faces… but what I truly see, what I revel in seeing… human beings. I see thousands of similarly-minded humans from diverse backgrounds, experiences, ethnicities, ages and all whom have their own distinct story to tell.

I see the true face of America… the HUMAN face. And that is why I don’t want to give last week any more of my time or consideration. I want to talk about what we’re about to do here! Here in  Philadelphia, where the original text of our Constitution was crafted. 

Here, in Philly, is where we… the Democratic Party… have come to layout our plan to the masses outside these walls, whether they join us or oppose us. We’re never going to please every single human… but we are here to talk about how we will best represent our fellow Americans and guide policy that will affect all our lives.

The difference?

We’re not here to scare people. We’re not here to mock people. We’re not here to isolate us from the world. We’re not here to point fingers and blame others. Those things make us weary, and offer no solutions or paths to success. They serve only to subjugate the masses with fear and anger.

We are here to approve our platform… an inclusive, progressive, thoughtful platform. We are here to hear from our leaders, party supporters and fellow humans about the future for all of us. We are here to affirm our candidate for the Presidency, and endow her with the rights to carry our message.

We are here to talk about how America IS great, and how we can make it even better. We have real issues, many of which have inundated our TVs, social feeds and news, as of late. But they are not insurmountable, they’re not anything to be cowering in fear about, and give up our liberties to squelch. We’re not naïve, but we are reasonable, calm, and ready to be collaborators, listeners, and share our ideas, openly and without fear of retribution or hate.

We are here to thank President and First Lady Obama for their stewardship, even when their battles were disproportionately against them. We are here to continue the good works and economic path that this administration has set us upon. We are here to put in office, a leader who can continue the healing of the rifts with our global partners, that President Obama, Vice President Biden, Secretary Clinton, and Secretary Kerry have nurtured over 8 years.  We are here to bring together the supporters of Secretary Clinton and Senator Sanders, and recognize their ideas and consider their voice as we move our party forward.

We are here to confirm, celebrate and support Hillary Clinton as our candidate for the President of these UNITED States.

Welcome and THANK you for all of your work, in your states, in your districts, in your neighborhoods… for keeping on task, keeping on message, and keeping this race for the White House a positive one… and for representing all of us. We are ALL part of this race… the human race!

Leave the negative, divisive, anger to them. 

Keep the faith, be positive, be an aggregator of goodwill, THAT is what we stand for, that is what will win the election in November!

Thank you.

Quiet Morning Thoughts

Andrew Wyeth's “Chambered Nautilus” (1956)

In the quiet of the bedroom, silence lays like warm, soft blankets
This waking moment opens the door to a flurry of visions behind closed eyes
They fly one to the other with a speed that fights my weary soul
The stillness is invaded by the cacophony of life moments
Bouncing like dodge balls off the curves of my brain
Sifting through endless memories like a messed up rolodex
Out of order, each one leading to another disjointed connection
Worry, happiness, angst and learning... learning in it all
Find the lesson, look...
Slow the thoughts,
Examine the corners
Look and see,
Really see,
See with clear eyes unfettered by "if only's"
Quell the emotions, stuff them down for a blink, another quiet moment,
Tuck them momentarily away into a easily reopened drawer
They have a purpose, but not just now, now when I need to see
Look again, emotional tethers cut, and see behind them
The message is revealed to a careful eye
Regrets and recriminations cast over for a greater understanding
The soul learns, feels, forgives and lets go when given permission
Give permission
Learn
Forgive
Try again
Open the drawer
Rub tired eyes
Feet hit the floor
Stretch
Join the world whole again

Why I Raise Money for Lung Cancer Research

On September 19th, Alex and I will be running the 5K portion of the Chicago Lung Run 2015. (http://LungRun.kintera.org/2015/anniewatsonjohnson) the following is the reason we run. This is my 11th year participating, and I do it for mom. The story is long, I apologize, but I hope it holds your interest enough to finish it. ;)

April 10th of 2002 at near 3PM my mom looked at me, gasping her last breaths. I told her that everything would be fine, I would take care of Doug (my brother) and it was ok if she went. Around her were my step-father, my husband, my aunt and my grandmother. It was that moment, that breath, when all time stopped for me. All I could do was look at her, not even knowing if she saw me, but she was looking over at me, and I knew I couldn't cry... I had to smile, I had to convince her it was ok that Doug wasn't there. It was ok to let go even though others were crying, and her husband was begging her to stay. She looked away from me and back up at the ceiling, gasped once... twice... and left us. 

I was numb.

I had just sat up with her, holding her hand, for almost 36 hours, willing her to stay until my brother could get back. When I'd leave her, I'd tuck this small teddy bear that the hospital chaplain had dropped by when he visited. What a 60 year old, dying woman needed with a teddy bear, I didn't know at the time. But when I had to go to the bathroom, or check in on my aunt and grandmother, I would tuck his furry body under her hand, whisper I'd be right back, and sneak out of the room with snoring men. 

I didn't know she was at the point of leaving us and I hadn't gotten my brother called early enough to get back from Dubai. I kept thinking, if I could just keep the human contact...talk to her...try to keep her with us till Doug could get back. It wasn't meant to be. I truly believe if my brother had been there when she died, he wouldn't have had consoling memories, he would have had disturbing ones. She knew that better than I.

Doug had just been home at Christmas, our first as a family in forever. We said what we needed to say to each other. I will cherish that Christmas, always.

Mom and I cleaning up the wrapping from Christmas presents. This would be mom's last Christmas with us in 2001.

But as I was alluding to in the title,  I walk in memory of my mom. 

(clockwise from upper right) Mom as a toddler; Great-Grandmother Graham (l.) with Caroline on her lap and Grandmother with mom on her lap; Grandmother, mom and Granddad; Granddad, mom and Grandmother; Grandmother, Great grandmother & Granddad Beanblossom, Great-Great Grandmother Shireman and mom.

My mom was born in January of 1942 in Indiana to Paul & Louise Beanblossom. A hefty number of years later, my aunt, Sue, would follow as the youngest daughter. 

Both of my grandparents were teachers in the public school system. Granddad eventually was a Principal, as wellWhen they weren't teaching, they were planting around the house. Granddad always had a great garden, but spent many an hour duplicating and refinishing antiques. He loved his wood shop. Granddad was the only child to survive of his parents. His mother named him Paul Adam, two names from the bible, after losing her other children. He lived to be 80. My grandmother was one of 7 children. She was one of the truest Christians I ever knew, in word and deed, but never pushed her faith on anyone. She led by example. She sewed up a storm, and made crafts every year for Christmas, and served her community for her entire life. Grandmother lived to be 94.

My mom was an honor student, a writer, a smart ass and funny. I've shared her writing in some other posts on here. She definitely had an opinion, something she taught me well. She also survived polio. She was confined to an iron lung to help her breath. The disease had affected her abdominal muscles, the muscles in her left hand, right arm, etc. But she lived. She beat it. She also never grew another inch. While she had once been the tallest girl in the class, the disease had kept her from moving any higher.

(from upper left, clockwise) Teen mom on the phone, probably with a boy; High school mom; grade school mom; Mom and friend with a very adorable, Sue; @mom and dad's wedding Granddad, Mom, Grandmother and Sue.

She married my dad at 20 years old. She had been attending Butler University in Indiana, and working on her B.A. in English. She married dad because he was moving away, and he proposed.

I followed, not long after their marriage (yes, more than 9 months). Mom was 21, dad was 25, when I took my first breath. Doug arrived a year and 11 months later.

Like any young couple, they had their ups and downs. Doug and I were a handful to say the least. And when we grew up in NJ, dad had a job that kept him away during the week and home on weekends. Mom was an avid feminist (but again, so was dad) and led the League of Women Voter's. She also worked with some friends of hers and kept the lights on and the library open for our little hamlet in Ringwood. She encouraged me to join Little League when little girls didn't do that kind of thing, but she knew that I was competitive and there were no softball leagues for kids my age. So, she sat up on the hill, when I played, and shouted down the nay sayers.

(from upper left, clockwise) Mom and Grandmother; Grandmother, me and mom; Me and mom; Doug, Mom, Grandmother and Granddad; me and mom in Martha's Vineyard.

She was a 5' spit fire. She had a wicked wit and an amazing brain that held more useless information than anyone would need to consistently win at Trivial Pursuit, and she did. She taught me how to play Scrabble, how lose myself in a book and how to enjoy very diverse music.

I knew that moving to Ohio when I was a freshman in high school, was EXTREMELY hard on her. She was a liberal feminist thrown right in the middle of the bible belt and 180 degree beliefs. The League of Women Voters was run by a men, and few women. She found that disheartening. While she could make friends, she didn't have any GOOD friends, save our neighbor, to do things with and hang out. When they came around with a petition to prevent a women's health clinic from opening, she refused to sign, that was her neighborhood death nell. But I didn't realize the impact, because I was having my own problems with the same issues, but among my peers.

It was also during this time that mom had quit smoking (she barely smoked a pack a day, most days under). They had diagnosed her with high blood pressure. She started taking BP medication. And began trying to take back her health.

When I went to college, my parents moved to Illinois during my senior year. When I graduated, I moved back in with them for a while. It was an interesting time. I was 22 years old, but still their kid, but more of a roommate. I moved out a year or so after coming home. It was during that point that mom seemed to be getting worse. She couldn't walk to the mailbox without coming back in and taking a nap. The doctors were treating her for BP and depression now. My dad said, "no, this isn't right." and loaded her into the car and took her to Mayo Clinic.

She had post polio problems. This was a new arena for most doctors. All the boomers that had had polio were now showing signs of muscle degeneration and weakening. Mom's abdominal muscles were not pushing the CO2 out of her lungs. Her O2 levels were in the 60% area. For most of us, that would mean death. But because it had happened over YEARS, they think as far back as Ohio, her body had adjusted to it.

She was put immediately on a bi-pap machine to sleep at night. It helped her breath in and out, and kept her O2 levels in the right range.

It wasn't until my parents divorce, after 35 years of marriage that she and I had some serious discussions about life, lessons and what we compromise and how fragile she really was for a good portion of her life. She remarried her other high school sweetheart, and moved to Virginia. She was trying to make up for time, but discovered she was just in a different location with different problems.

It was also during this time that they travelled a lot, and mom loved that part of the relationship. When they travelled they tended to stay at military housing, since my step-dad was a logistics instructor for the army. It was inexpensive. When she got back from one trip she commented to me that her filter in her bi-pap was black. I said, "that can't be good?!" She thought not too.

(from upper left, clockwise) My college graduation from Dad, my Grandfather & Grandmother Watson, Doug, Grandmother, me, Mom, Sue and Granddad; Mom at her second wedding; outside my grandparents house Sue, me, Dad, Grandmother, mom, Granddad and Doug; @mom's wedding Grandmother, mom and Sue.

Mom had a cough that wouldn't go away. She'd felt down and sickly for a while. She went to the doctor. He took an X-ray. There was a spot on her lung. He wasn't sure what it was, but wanted to take the lobe and some lymph nodes to see what was going on. Well, it was lung cancer cells in her lung, but they appeared to be dead around the mass and there were none in her lymph nodes. When she asked about radiation or chemo, he thought that wouldn't be necessary... they'd just do X-rays every three months.

A few months later, it was in both of mom's lungs, her spine and her shoulder blade. She had Stage IV lung cancer, and when she went to Johns Hopkins they told her there wasn't anything to do, but determine quality of life.

I lost my mom 6 months later.

I walk for her. I walk for all the names on the back of my shirt I wear, who have lost their battle as well...and for their families who are still with us.

Thank you, Chicago Lung Run for giving me a chance to try and make a difference, by supporting research into lung cancer treatments and hopefully a cure!

If you'd like to support me and Alex in our 5K run for Mom, please click on the following link: http://LungRun.kintera.org/2015/anniewatsonjohnson
and make a donation. Anything helps us reach our goal. (below are the names from last year's shirt I wore for the walk)

Lesson One: What's Your Story?

I had my first failure as I live my life without fear.

Guess what?

I didn't die. 

I don't feel bad about myself. 

I want to do it again!

I recently applied for a PR Comms job with The Onion. This was straight up traditional position that required media contacts and established relationships. While I have done ALL of this, it's been years since I was out there, working the media list. Recently, the most I've done has been some promotional postings in the social realm for a philanthropic organization and my brother's racing page.

I knew about 5 minutes into the call that this was not going to move to a second interview, but I stuck it out to try and refine my "elevator speech" for myself.

THAT was the lesson of this call, this first fearless attempt for a job outside my comfort zone.

Could I have done the job? Yes, or I wouldn't have applied. But even I wanted to recommend a couple of others that I knew would hit the ground running, and give The Onion the coverage and plan that it deserved. I respect the company, and wanted to provide more viable options for them. My integrity was winning the internal dialogue.

But, back to the crux of the issue identified in this call... 

What DO I want to say about myself? How am I going to explain what I can bring to an organization? What is my sales pitch, for me? What's MY story? 

If I can't sell myself, how do I expect to convince others why I'm the right choice? It sounds simple, but you don't realize how derailed you can get, if you're not focused.

So, I started a list of strengths I feel I can bring to an organization/team. Simple words, not industry-speak. I needed them to be simple so I wasn't confusing the situation or the interviewer. It will help you to not "over-share" and to be very focused on what you want to convey about yourself.

There will always be questions about your experience. Here's where a secondary list comes into play. What have you accomplished? What did those strengths result in creating/leading to/contributing? What STORIES have you shaped out of what you've done before?

Then, for your internal dialogue, what do YOU want out of this next job? What do YOU hope to accomplish? What are YOUR priorities if you take it? One of mine is that I want to find a place where the people genuinely LIKE working with each other, where a "culture statement" isn't necessary, it just "is."

Lastly, have a list of questions you want to ask. They are going to have to be questions for different audiences; 

1. HR/Screening call; 
2. Hiring HR rep/Senior member (probably your boss); 
3. The team you'll be working with/for or over. They all have different points-of-view when it comes to you being hired, so make sure you recognize that and prepare for them each, separately.

The next interaction I have for a job, I will have my "elevator speech" and questions...and in the first five minutes, I will know if I nailed it or if I need to refine it, but I'll go into it with confidence and a story.

We are the SUM of our experiences, our lessons, so how do we tell our story to others? How we share those stories will define us to others. So, take care, craft your story well, and share with an honest heart.

Chapter 51+

A unique set of circumstances has left me starting a brand new chapter in my life.

Here I sit, fifty-one years old, twenty-five years of experience in advertising/pr new business pitch process and production, a series of eclectic abilities that I've attained over 25 years, and an opportunity to recreate myself. 

Have I piqued your interest? 

::queue suspense-building music accompanied with booming movie trailer voiceover::

What will she do? What will she become? Who is going to snap this renaissance woman up first? Will she amass a fortune? Will she save the children? What will become.....

::abrupt scratch and stop::

First I have to a take a look at what I have done, what I enjoyed most and what I can do without. When you're talking twenty-five years of experiences, it's a lot to assess. 

I've worried that I've amassed all these skills that can't be pigeon holed into one job description (see my linkedin profile), or as my friend, Marc Landsberg so many skills that you're, "1" deep and a mile wide." That phrase has resonated with me since I heard him use it to describe someone who does a lot of things "ok". What I realized was that though I have many skills, I do have stronger, precise skills that are served by the many.

I'm a problem solver.

You might be saying, "well, duh, isn't any successful worker?" I'd answer with, "you'd hope so, but it's not always the case." Individuals like myself look for solutions until one is found. Anyone can identify a problem, but those of us out there that keep working it until we have a successful resolution, we're not everywhere. 

I am a calming force.

When others start to break, I don't. It gets done. It always gets done. So, I don't see a reason to panic or get upset. And I make sure it gets done.

I can work with employees at any level.

People are people. Some have titles that, on paper, appear to set them higher or lower than other people, at work. What I see is talent that has been assigned to work on the project. How I leverage that talent and in what role of the project I assign them, is purely based on what the outcome of the project has been determined. I can navigate strong personalities and empower participants to bring their "A" game.

Supplemental Skills:

I have enough practical experience to be able to turn on a dime, if necessary.

What that means is, I can see when we're headed to a burning wreck and can adjust and suggest changes to get us back on the path. I've experienced enough crash/burn and success situations to be able to identify problems or to keep tracking on positive paths to keep things moving forward to a unifying outcome.

 I am an aggregator of talent (team builder, in simple terms). 

When left to my own devices, I can review, evaluate and hire the correct talent for a project. As long as I know the deliverable, the personality of the department, and where the department is going. 

I understand tech.

In this world of social media trends, online presence, shared vs. paid amplifications, brand personality, social channels... I could continue, but you have to understand the landscape. I've had several friends my age, who have found themselves back in the job hunt, and are consistently criticized for not having digital acumen. I understand it and participate in it through several of the popular channels: Facebook, LinkedIn, Pinterest, Twitter, eblogger, and Instagram. I've been online since '92, in it's infancy. 

As one of those people who is entering a new chapter, I want my pages filled with exciting, prolific, and positive prose. I want to prove that you're never too old to embrace your life and give it a twirl. I want to shed the fear of failure that's kept me places way too long. I want to work in a world where honesty and good works are the norm, and treating your coworkers with respect isn't a line in a company manifesto, but actually embraced. I want to work with people who constantly challenge themselves and invite you along for the ride. I want the next 20 years of my work-life to be meaningful in some way.

This is my chapter to write. I will write it without fear. I will write it without prejudice. I will write it for myself, and not to prove others wrong about their notions of who I am. I will fill it with love, acceptance, family and friends. I will learn from the lessons that often come from making bold changes.  

Has this gotten me closer to identifying the job I want? Sure it has, but not in a traditional sense. It's given me a series of criteria that have to be met, and what skills I have to sell. The rest, is up to me. 

So, if you get my resume with a pithy cover letter, understand that I want to work with you and I believe we're a perfect match. Then it's up to you to give me fifteen minutes to convince you of the same. I'm confident I will.

Otherwise, the next chapter's being written as I type, so I hope to see you back here when I have more to say and share.