Dream Job

I've thought about this idea of a "dream job" for a good part of my 50 years on this earth.

When I was little, I was going to be a veterinarian, until I found out you had to cut up puppies and kitties to learn how to save them. Then, I wanted to be an marine biologist. Why not? I loved the water, swam all the time and I was in honors biology in middle school. Then we moved to Ohio, and I didn't think much farther than the end of my nose.

When it came to college, I chose a Finance/Marketing major. I took my first accounting class and thought, "F this!" and dropped the finance part. Marketing/Advertising, I liked it, but "dream job?"

Nah.

When I was younger, like 2 years old, I use to do voices.

One of those "conquered fear" times.

No, not HEAR voices… DO voices. My dad came home one night, and said to my mom, "I didn't know Ann had her little friends over?" To which mom replied, "Uh, she doesn't have any friends over." They opened my door to see me with a circle of stuffed animals, each of which I'd given a different voice.

Later I would imitate my hero's, Lilly Tomlin, Gilda Radner, Carol Burnett and that coupled with my sharp tongue, would often get me laughs or in trouble.

My delusions of grandeur had me dreaming of being one of them, on TV, making people laugh. Maybe I could just be a Joanne Whorley type, from Laugh In. I could be the chubby version of Gilda on SNL. I could craft a show and find my Tim Conway, Harvey Korman, Vicki Lawrence, Lyle Waggoner and have my own signature sign-off, like flipping my nose with my thumb while I tilt my head and stick out my tongue. I would daydream scenarios til I fell asleep.

In 6th grade I wrote a play, that my fellow students performed for me, "Charlie's Angels meets Starsky & Hutch." I cast it, I wrote it, I directed it and I acted it in it. I knew NOTHING…but I hadn't learned about "fear of failure" yet.

Sometime between our move to Ohio and adulthood, I learned all too well to fear failure. It has influenced many corners of my life. The only time I consistently keep it at bay is if I face it to help someone else. For some reason, I find it easier to face my fears if it's for someone else.

Every once in a while I tackle it for myself. I suck it up, look it straight in it's cold black eye, and beat it back and into success. I wish I could bottle that feeling. You really wonder, "why do I ever let fear keep me from  this moment?"

So, I sit here at 50, still trying to figure out…"what is my dream job." What is that job that everyday feels like it fits like a glove. You look forward to everyday, and while times might get trying now and again, you wouldn't trade it for the world.

This will be the 10th year for the LungRun in Chicago.
I've been top, individual fundraiser multiple years!

I've had moments of that feeling at many of my jobs. The one I have right now had been that way. I thrive in 'team' environments. I crave collaboration and problem-solving. I love when I can reward people for good work. I am over the moon when we pull together and bring a project across the finish line… and win it! If I was allowed to do that EVERY day… I could feel, and had felt, fulfilled.

Dream job? Oh, well, that is slightly different.

Take everything I mentioned up there, now add in a philanthropic level. If I could use what I know, and who I know, to raise awareness and funds for a deserving organization. If I could raise awareness of the underfunding of lung cancer research. If I could help homeless families find a way out of poverty and into a full life for them and their kids. If I could find a way to crowdsource a solution for funding all of those rare, nearly non-funded diseases like CureJM, that causes children daily pain, and possible death.

I've spent years meeting people, making friends, some of those friends going on to do amazing things. How can I leverage those friendships, my team building ability, experience and skills to help others? When I find that answer… I hope my fear is on vacation in a far away land, so I have the guts to go for it. Until then, I will do my level best to get back to those days of collaboration and fulfillment, while continuing my small, philanthropic endeavors, and hope that the opportunity presents itself, soon!

Caveat to my story. Many of you would say, "just go do it, Annie!" I would, trust me. I've painted myself into a corner from earlier bad choices and now I'm locked into a certain level of employment to keep afloat, and try to fix the mistake. But I am working toward a time when I can throw caution to the wind and attack this without fear, or concern.